Supporting Your Child During Arrival & Dismissal

For many of our children, going to school is their first real experience in a community setting outside of the home. Whether joining one of our Toddler Communities, or in Children’s House, going from a home environment to a mixed-age classroom of their peers can feel like a really big transition for these little humans! To adults, this transition feels big, but we have to remember to view the child’s experience through their perspective and put ourselves in their shoes.

A child’s primary work in the first 6 years of life is that of construction and adaptation; to become and to belong. The child is constructing their understanding of the physical and social world around them, while also adapting to become a member of their time, place, and culture. All of this occurs while they are developing their language, motor skills, sense of order, and so much more!

As children adapt to their new routines at school, there are a few key times of day that families and parents can implement routines and language to support them as they settle into their new community.

Arrival

Separation can be really tricky for a young child, especially when starting in a new environment. Because children are adapting to their world, starting a new routine can feel really overwhelming to them! Prior to school, it’s best to have a consistent routine that your family follows each morning when getting ready for school. Children of this age are very sensitive to order (which serves them well as they are constructing their understanding of the world around them), so consistency is key.

Waking Up: Ensure your child is getting enough sleep each night. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that, “Children 1 to 2 years of age should sleep 11 to 14 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health. Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health.” [link]. If children are getting enough sleep, that is one of the best things families can do to set their child up for success the next day. Depending on the routine that works best for your family, choose a consistent bedtime and wake up time to follow each day. Some families might have different schedules on the weekend. If that is the case, we recommend having a visual calendar showing children what days are “school days” and what days are “stay home day”. This can help children know what to expect the next day if routines are different on the weekends.

Breakfast: Our lives are incredibly busy. There are many mornings when I myself am rushing out the door to make it to school on time. Breakfast is an important meal in that it provides fuel for your child’s brain and helps give them good energy for their morning. Breakfast is also a great time for connection! In order for our children to feel more comfortable separating from parents, filling up their “emotional bucket” with positive moments of connection can help them feel more confident and comfortable when the time comes to separate at school.

Leaving for School: Transitions can be really tricky for children. Not only can the multiple steps feel overwhelming, but their brains are still developing the emotional regulation, motor control, and language skills to be able to navigate big transitions successfully. If your child is really struggling to transition in the morning, you can try to use a visual schedule at home so they know what is coming next. Simplifying language is also helpful. Instead of saying “please put on both of your shoes, grab your backpack and coat, and let’s go get in the car”, say “shoes first, then backpack” and take the transition one step at a time. The more rushed or anxious you feel, the more rushed and anxious your child will feel as well. Children are incredibly receptive to others’ emotions, so when planning your morning routine, make sure you are planning enough time to get out the door without rushing. Packing lunches, picking out outfits, or packing essential clothing the night before can be really helpful to establishing and maintaining an efficient morning routine.

Separation at School: Every casa has a different routine in the morning for dropping off your child. Whether it’s a quick goodbye at the Acorn door, or helping your child put away their belongings in their cubby first, the moment of separation can be tricky in those first few weeks of school. Again, having a consistent routine is so helpful for children so they know what to expect. Work with your child to develop a quick, loving goodbye routine. The most important thing is to be confident and calm. Even on days when your child is having big emotions, presenting a calm, confident presence can be helpful in calming them down. In those first few weeks, we are building our relationships with them. When they are upset, and allow us to comfort them it builds trust between us and your child. We will always do our best to let you know how they are doing later in the morning, but more often than not they have stopped crying before you left the parking lot.

Special Items: Sometimes a child might want to bring a special item (a favorite toy or stuffed animal) into the building. Please leave these items in the car. When your child arrives, those items can quickly become a distraction in the Casa and the staff have to put them away, which can lead to more big feelings and difficult moments as we are trying to build trust and help them adapt to their new routines. A great solution is to leave that special item in their carseat, waiting to greet them after school.

Pick Up

The end of the day is a great opportunity for connection with your child! Please follow your child’s Casa’s routine for pick up at the end of the day. Your child will be so excited to connect with you, so please refrain from using your phone so that your attention can be fully on your child.

Restraint Collapse: Children of this age are often “holding it together” while they are at school. Living in a larger community of similar aged peers places demands on children that they typically don’t experience at home. They have to practice more patience, independence, and the social work of living in a community can feel intense! You might see that your child just “falls apart” after you pick them up. They might be really emotional, show some really big behaviors, or have a lot of energy. They’ve been working hard to hold it together all day, and now that they are reunited with their safe person, they “collapse” and let it all go! Remember that you are their safe person, and the expression of these big feelings is a sign that you have a loving bond with them. They aren’t trying to get on your nerves after a long day at the office. In small children, behavior is a form of communication. If you’re seeing restraint collapse at the end of the day, setting aside some time to quietly reconnect can be helpful. Reading a book together, listening to quiet music, or having a snack together can be great ways to connect and refill their “emotional bucket” after a long day of being separated from you.

Punctuality

Whether dropping off in the morning or picking up in the afternoon, punctuality is incredibly important in supporting your child during their time at school. Children are sensitive to order, so having a consistent schedule provides your child with a predictable framework when thinking about their day. If they arrive and depart at the same time each day, they develop confidence and understanding as our routines are also incredibly consistent. However, if your child is consistently late, or you consistently pick up your child late, that confidence is shaken.

Imagine going to a dinner party. When you arrive on time, you arrive at the same time as the other guests. You’re able to put your coat away, greet familiar faces, and settle into the social activities for the evening. Now imagine arriving late to the dinner party. You show up and the host may not be available to greet you. You’re not sure where to put your coat, and you might have missed appetizers. Everyone else is settled into social groups and are mid-conversation. Imagine how that feels in your body, what emotions and thoughts show up for you.

When your child arrives late to school, it’s the same as arriving to the dinner party late. Their Guide may not be able to greet them at the door, their friends may already be settled into work with other peers, and your child will have missed out on valuable learning time. It’s also a distraction for other children who have settled into their routines. Typically we observe that the mornings start with excited greetings, and with time the children settle into their own work. But when children arrive late, many children stop what they are doing to greet their friend when they come into the room.

Punctuality at pick up is equally important. Children know when their parents are running late as they develop a strong understanding of which friends go home at what time. Remember, the end of the day is a moment of connection for your child. They are excited to see you and share about their day! Please set up a consistent routine for yourself so that you can arrive on time. In the same way we don’t want children to feel those negative emotions when they arrive late, we also don’t want you to feel that way if you are late to pick up your child! I know after a work day, getting to see my daughter and wrap her in a big hug fills up my bucket. We want that moment of connection to be positive for both of you!

Life happens. Sometimes you wake up and have a flat tire, or some other situation arises that causes you to be late for school. If you are running late, please send your child’s Guide(s) an email notifying them so that we can be prepared for their arrival time, or prepare them for a late pick up. Children of this age benefit from front loading- or explaining what is coming before it happens- when something unexpected changes.

In conclusion, there are many ways that families can support their children as they adapt to their new routines here at JMS. Arrival and pick up can be the trickiest times of day because there can be a lot of big emotions around separation and restraint collapse at the end of the day. As much as possible, develop a routine that feels right for your child and your family. If you need specific support or are looking for more ideas, please reach out to your child’s Guide. We are here to partner with you and work together to support your child’s learning and growth.